8th Grade Secrets

TRANSCRIPT: 

Katey:  Hey Nicole, what’s going on?  Nothin much here.  I am in Bingenhiemer or something like that.  Don’t worry, I will not tell anybody & you should trust me by now.  I know how you feel.  I’m going to tell you something but I don’t want you to tell anybody else.  You’re the only one I’m telling.  So ask me when we are alone or something because I don’t want to write it in the note.  So I know how you feel and don’t worry about it too much because I don’t want you to go ballistic on me or anything.  Well gotta go! 

PS – Write Back.  Love ya!     Katey

Holy cannoli, what was the big secret I told her?!?!  It must have been a doozy if there existed some threat of me going ballistic over it.  And what even bigger secret did she tell me later that day?!  I don’t think I’ve ever been so curious about something in my entire life.  Guess we’ll have to add this to the list of 8^th grade secrets destined to stay hidden for eternity.  Major bummer.

"Men Lie", by Natalie Barrett Browning (applause)

TRANSCRIPT:
 Natalie:  Coley, Hey, I'm on the phone with you right now.  I can't wait until high school, it's going to be great!  I hope we have fun this weekend and I hope we get our own dorms.  Who do you like?  I like you!  I'm glad me and Alecia are friends again, who's your best friend at CT (Cross Timbers)?  My best friend here is Audrey, but she's been acting weird lately.  I'm going to make up a poem for you right now. 
Men suck even though they're fine
Cause they have good behinds
They say they love you
But then they leave you
Even though you cry
They still say goodbye
MEN LIE!  (applause)
Love, Nat
I really hope Jeff calls me tonight!  He said on Saturday that he would call me on Sunday.  I hope I hear from him before you get this letter.  Every night until 9:00 I hope every phone call is him.  But I can't sit around and wait.  I have a life, too.  Kinda.  I'm trying to take up space.  Well, got to go. - Love always, Nat



Yeah Nat, high school would have been great... if I hadn't moved away.  Sad face.  Luckily you (kind of) had a life and were able to carry on just fine without me.  Too bad that poetry writing career of yours never took off.  You would have been rad, the opposite of bad, cuz I never get mad at my good ol' laddy, Natty.  (Applause).

You Know What They Say About Big Handwriting

TRANSCRIPT:
Julie:  12/7/95
Dear Nicole, You have not written me back yet.  I hope your hand gets bitten off by a snake. (j/k)  So do you want to go with me to the parade and you can spend the night.  Well... *NEWAYS*  I can't think of what to say so I'll say whatever comes to my head.  Do you think I write big?  Oh well it means I have a sense of humor.  Well got to go now.  Love, Julie


Remember how in middle school you could say whatever hateful things you wanted to each other, and as long as you followed up with a j/j or j/k it was totally cool?

"You're a dumb bitch and you smell like old jello.  J/K!"
"I made out with your boyfriend in the girl's locker room yesterday.  J/J!"
"You're such a ho-skank.  J/K!  LYLAS!!!"   
"You're parents are getting a divorce and they're gonna fight over who DOESN'T get you.  J/J!"

Good times.

Redacted For Her Pleasure

TRANSCRIPT:
Too redacted to transcribe.


Why so redacted, you ask?  Because we were perverts.  Dirty-minded, 12-year-old perverts.  Shame on us.

Guy Hunting

TRANSCRIPT:
 Leigh Ann:  Sorry So Short Sloppy & Stupid
9/3/96
Nicole, Hey, now I'm sittin across, well besides, you.  So how are you?!!  Fine here.  I don't know about Jessie.  You sorta like David?!?!?!  That would be so awesome if you could spend the night before we go to Six Flags.  We could rent White Squall and Crybaby.  Or any other really good movie so we can get ready to go guy hunting at Six Flags.  Know what I mean!  Last time I went with just one person we picked up 9 guys each!!! Oh yeah!!!  Well write back!      Love ya, Leigh Ann      W/B


Ermahgherd, White Squall!!!!  Dream boat city - Literally!  All the 90's hunks, shirtless and wet, working on a boat?  Put that shit on mute and crank up the Sade, right?!?!  Not sure how that movie could have prepared us for the hunt, though.  Can't remember the last time I saw a Scott Wolf look-alike at Six Flags.  And dang, L.A., 9 guys each?  BALLERS!!!  Make it a baker's dozen and you got yourself a business!

Burn After Reading

TRANSCRIPT:
Natalie:  Nicole, We can't tell anyone about Florida because they'll want to go with us!  What I'm doing is saving 1/2 of everything I make that includes when I get a job.  You should start doing the same soon!  Nicole let's read for ten minutes then we'll be done with our book.  -Natalie  See ya in Florida
Burn this after being read



"Burn after being read".  As though the letter held some massively confidential information.  So dramatic.  And whatever happened to our awesome Florida trip we had planned?  Does visiting me at college and going to St. George Island count?  Or does the very existence of this letter mean that we still owe each other a super-sweet BFF trip to FL?  Hmmmmm..........

Funscape

TRANSCRIPT:
Cortney:  (3-12-96) Nicole Kenning, Hey Justin lover, how's it going?  Not much here in Texas History of [course].  How long have you and JT been going out today?  Are you going to Funscape on Friday?  I am.  How's it going with you and Justin?  Cole and I are doing good.  Are you still grounded?  *Anyways* I don't want to get caught.  Gotta go, love ya, Cortney.  W/B  BFE


Aww man, Funscape?!  It was like a nightclub for pre-teens!  Nothing like a bunch of 11 year olds bumpin' and grindin' to "Rump Shaker".  Friday nights were never the same after that.  And don't worry Cortney, I didn't want you to get caught writing that note in TX History either... Coach Herlin had the WORST breath ever!  Grodie to the max!!!!!

Side note - I wonder what I was grounded for?!?! Let's see... this was in seventh grade so... it might have been the time I snuck out with Lindsey and Nicole to meet a boy at the apartments across the way.  First time we tried what we THOUGHT was a white russian (tequila and milk).  We were wrong.  So, so wrong.   

Missed Connections

TRANSCRIPT:
 Natalie:  Nicole, Hey wuz up?  Nothing much here.  Just waiting around till I can work on the pond.  It's 10:30.  I'll work at 12:00.  It's Saturday.  Did you go to the party on Friday?  What did you tell Nicole?  Yesterday, we went out to eat with the Twidwals [Tidwells], this guys son Mark is so FINE.  After we ate I went to go buy fireworks.  I haven't tried them yet but they look cool, one is called disco flash!  I've got the name of the face wash Brandy uses - Phytosome Nutrient Cream and Moisturizing with Phytosome.  She buys it from a Health food store.  I had to take a break.  I should make 20-25 bucks this trip.  Have you had good luck about any babysitting jobs yet?  Not me.  Well I've got to go! :(  BFF, Natalie
PS - 5:55    Work wasn't that bad.  I [hardly] did anything - also I cut my moms hair - and I'll tell Sally Jessica and Rachell Hi!



A few things:
First, the Mark she refers to is the same Mark I ended up falling in love with and marrying 17 years later and yes, he is SO FINE.
Second, who the hell is Brandy?!
Third, I had zero luck with babysitting that summer and ended up making a pittance doing some dumb chores which my sister then stole from me.
Fourth, my memory is a little foggy but I believe Sally Jessica and Rachell were cows at her dad's east Texas house.  Telling them "Hi" for me might not have been smart since I'm pretty sure one of them is the same cow that came after me when I tried to pet her calf.  Turns out baby cows are not like puppies - you can't go petting them all willy-nilly.
Fifth, remember when $25 was a lot of money?  Can't even fill up the gas tank with that pocket change now but back then that was your ticket to financial freedom!

Play On, Player...

TRANSCRIPT:
Mary:  Nicole, tell your friend [Alecia] that she is a very lucky girl and he will treat her well I promise!  Sure he's made mistakes in the past, but he's just a normal guy.  I talked to him yesterday & he's not playing her at all I promise!  I loved him more than anything and if he wasn't such a great guy then I wouldn't have even considered him.  I [know] you've probably seen him hurt me, but that's only when he was with other girls, and no one can help who they like.  Tell her I hope everything w/ them works out because Brad is very very special and I really mean that.  Love u, Mary
PS - Don't listen to Denise or anyone because they really don't [know] him - they've just seen me cry over him & it makes him look like an awful person that he definitely isn't!  He's really caring & is the biggest sweetheart!  Sorry so sloppy (was in a rush)
PSS - One more thing, kind of think of it like Pedro, when he dumped you all the girls told him he was a jerk.  When actually he's not at all at least I don't think so.


Oh yes, Pedro... dumped me during lunch and left me LITERALLY hanging off the cafeteria seat like the smelly kid in gym class.  Yeah, the girls had it all wrong when they told him he was a jerk.  Ahhhhhhh, young love!!!

They See Me Squigglin'... They Hatin'.

TRANSCRIPT:
 Nicole:  Dear Natalie, I can't wait till ET (east Texas)!  It will be cool!  Can you wait?  Well, gotta go!  W/B!  Your bud, Nicole Kenning     Me+U+Julie=B/F/F


Holy f***, how awesome were those squiggle pens?!  I wish I had one right now.  I'd write everything with it - grocery lists, notes for my boss, checks, etc.  Full disclosure - there's more to this note on the back but it involved some serious sixth grade shit-talking so I'm leaving it out.  Gotta have standards.

The Lost Art of Keeping a Secret

TRANSCRIPT:
Jessie:  Dear Nicole, Okay, we sucked on our History project!!!  We totally screwed that up.  I didn't know what the hell we were supposed to say!!  Did you?  R.P. is kinda starting to get on my nerves.  DON'T TELL ANYONE!!  He's just always there and it's starting to bug me.  I liked him so much before 6 Flags.  After Sunday night, in the car, I was like Okay, "Why don't we move just a little faster?".  I'm being sarcastic if you didn't know!! I'm still going to go out with him and just wait a while and see how things are.  Well, gotta go.  W/B  Love, Jessie


Well Jessie, we may have sucked on our History project but we nailed the shit out of our short story assignment - Fairness Has Its Price.  Get your copy on Amazon today!

Rumble in the Bronx

TRANSCRIPT:
Julie:  Your so stupid
Nicole:  Julie, You shouldn't be mad!  The other day you and Ruby didn't wait for me and Natalie!  Besides, I looked in Mr. Miller's window and did not see you so I figured you already left!  Nicole K.
Julie:  OK, but I am still mad at Natalie because every time I become friends with someone she is too.  I will try to stop Ruby from beating you up.  So how are you?  Are we still best friends?  Me and Natalie are NOT!!! Love, Julie (Ju-poo)
Nicole:  Is Ruby gonna beat Natalie up?  Yes, we are still B/F/F (I hope).  Why Not?  (in reference to Julie and Natalie no longer being best friends)
Julie:  Yes, she hates Natalie more than she hates the devil.  Good I'm glad we're still best friends.  I will still take you home.  Sorry for hitting you in the hall.  I'll tell you later after Star, to long to write.  Love, your B/F/F, Julie


Hmmm... where to begin?  The "Your so stupid" line seems too easy, so I'll dig a little deeper.  I suppose I'll start by thanking Julie for trying to stop Ruby from beating me up.  I made it out of middle school unscathed and now I know why.  My hero!  Luckily, we were still best friends and stayed that way forever.  Oh wait, that's right.  I changed middle schools the following year and we completely grew apart.  Strange... we seemed so solid.  As for Ruby hating Natalie more than the devil?  That was way harsh, Ty. 

Kiss and Tell

TRANSCRIPT:
Lindsey:  Nicole, Hey sweet heart wud up?  Nuttin' here.  How was the movies on Friday?  (ummm Preston...)  Tell me the story of what happened, ok?  I'm really happy!  I'm going back out with Pedro.  I have a question - okay?  Since we broke up on Tuesday and started going back out on Friday would you still count Friday as 1 month?  Just a question.  I didn't know whether to count it or not. *anyways* What's up?  Or like you would say wussuper?  Anyways you should feel special because you are the first person I've written today! (J/J) Love always, Lindsey   W/B please!  PS - Sorry 'bout P.T.
Nicole:  Lindsey, Wussuper?  Preston will be here later.  (I hope)  I'm so glad we are going out.  The movies were cool.  We kissed once.  He kisses good.  He's real soft, he doesn't get all into it!  That's always good!  I hope he shows up.  I haven't seen him since Friday. :(  W/B Love, Coley
Lindsey:  NICOLE, Wud up?  I hope he comes later so ya'll can get..it..on!  J/J.  Not only after like 3 days.  Maybe next week.  Yeah right!  I hope ya'll last long even though you'll be in Georgia.  Love always (even when you're gone), Lindsey  W/B


 For the record, it totally still counts as a month if the break was less than 5 days.  Just saying. #8thgradeproblems.

One ticket to Nerd City, please.

TRANSCRIPT:
Natalie:  Nicole, Hey, you suck.  BFF.  Natalie
Natalie:  JK, wuz up?  Who do you like?  Are you doing the spelling bee?  I'm not.  Nerd City.  Well, got to go.  WBS.  BFF.  Natalie
Nicole:  Yes, I am doing the spelling bee.  I like Cole and JD.
Natalie:  I was just kidding about that nerd thing.


For the record, I ended up not doing the spelling bee.  I wasn't ready for Nerd City just yet.

The First.

"Hey, waz up?  Not much here.  Just chillin.  Thought I'd be totally original and create a blog.  PSYCHE! j/k.  LYLAS."

LOL, totes joking.  Who talks like that, anyways?  Oh that's right, WE did.  OMG!  We were cray-cray-lame back then.  Luckily we're super a-MAH-zing and eloquent and shit now, with the maturity and hindsight to appreciate our pre-teen dialogue.  Fo Sho!!!! 

I created this blog to showcase my outrageous collection of old letters.  My hope is that one day my children will read this and understand where I come from - a time before cell phones, before texting, before Facebook.  A time where if someone wanted to talk shit, they had to write a note and pass it along instead of creating a blog or posting on twitter.  OOOOORRRRR... I just wanted to embarrass the shit out of some old friends.  In any event, this should be a hoot. 

"What happens when you run out of notes?".  Excellent question, me.  Assuming I don't get bored and quit this after a week, I'm hoping to eventually have people submit their own.  What's the point of saving these gems if we can't share them?  I'm going to try and be tasteful with this, and I won't post anything hateful.  Unless it's about me, because self-deprecating humor is always awesome. Enjoy!