Nut Up, Bro!

TRANSCRIPT:
Paul:  Dear Nicole,
What's Up/Down/All Around?  I'm fine.  How was your church and weekend?  Mine was fine.  Are you breaking up with me?  That made it sound like it.  So how was your cousin?  My cousin is 6'5" and is 21.  Does she know J.T. girl?
*N-E*Ways
Friday night I felt so sad and I wanted to hold you and make you feel better!  So here's a rose to you from me.
Cheer up!  Gotta go!
SMILE
Most smiles start with yours
Pitty the poor Aggies who thought gatorade was welfare for the crocodiles
PS - W/B/S



Seriously, WHY DID I DATE THIS GUY?  We've already established that 1) he's ugly and 2) the only reason I dated him was that he was a year older and I thought it would make me cooler (hint:  it didn't).  But he comes off as such a needy, redundant LOSER.  Stop whining for a second and NUT UP, BRO!  No one cares how tall your 21-year-old cousin is.  And thanks for drawing me a shitty rose on a piece of paper, but is that supposed to make me feel better about dating a weirdo like you?  Because it doesn't.  Oh, and your Aggie joke is stupid, so stop including it in EVERY LETTER you write me.   I hope this guy made out OK in life, but I have to assume the closest he's ever been to getting laid is via his Second Life avatar.