Somebody Poisoned The Water Hole!

TRANSCRIPT:

Laura:  Hey Nicole,

Howdy!  Wud be up?  N*M*H*  So, how was Romeo + Juliet?  I wish that I could have gone.  N-E-Ways – I really don’t like anyone right now, though David ____ is so fine.  But he’s also so out of my league.  Who all was at the movie?  Everybody from CTMS said they were going.  Damn I wish that I went.  What are you getting Pedro ___ for Christmas?  I want a boyfriend so bad.  Have you ever smelled Elizabeth Arden Sunflowers??  I love it.  It smells so good!!!!  I made a note book this weekend.  Remind me and I’ll show you it.  It has perfume things on it.  I can’t describe it.  I’m reading this awesome book.  It’s by Stephen King.  It’s called Nightmares and Dreamscapes.  I babysat on Saturday night, and my dad only paid me $10.  I babysat for 4 hours, but my bro was only awake for 2 so my dad only paid me for 2.  That cheapskate.  Cody, John, that red head, and that kid with the bowl cut are all little bastards.  John threw a hat on the bus on Friday and it nailed me right in the lip.  Now my lip is like 10 times its regular size, and it looks so tacky.  Well, I’m tired, so G2G.

Love always, Laura

If you’re a fan of the 90’s, this letter is for you!  It has a little bit of everything:  Toy Story quotes, a solid Romeo+Juliet reference (that Leo was such a hunk!), a shout out to Stephen King’s superb collection of spooky tales, Sunflowers (which I’m pretty sure would make me puke if I smelled it now) and the always popular chili bowl haircut.  And the icing on this nostalgia cake?  It was produced entirely on a piece of shit typewriter!  Do those even exist anymore, aside from the teal-painted antiques that litter Pinterest?  This letter is like its own little time capsule.  Think “I love the 90’s” without all those annoying, irrelevant “celebrities”.  To those who are reading this, you’re welcome.