Happy Halloween!

TRANSCRIPT:
Nicole:  Trina, hey what's up?  Not much here.  Just sittin!  Sometime soon, me, you and Julie have to do something together!
So, what are you doing for Halloween?  What are you going to be?  I have no idea who I'm going to be.  Either a french maid or a hippy!  I don't know!
W/B
Nicole Kenning
Call me sometime!
What's your number?
Trina:  The ceiling is up.Yeah, I know maybe  we could all go to the movies or go somewhere.  A hunter or a pumpkin or a fisher or a clown.  Probably not a clown, though.  I can't call you this weekend because I'm grounded from the phone.
You write very pretty.



I'd say about 98.7% of my letters started with the exact same opening.  "Hey, what's/wuz up?  Not much here.  Just sitting/chillin".  My lack of originality really bit me in the ass later in life.  Gotta start early!  And what the hell was I thinking trying to dress like a french maid for Halloween?  Not that my parents would ever let their 12 year old dress like a skank, but there isn't a pair of socks thick enough to stuff that outfit.  I couldn't even pull off the slutty costumes as an adult, but what I lacked in boobs I made up for in long legs and an alcohol-fueled lack of inhibition.  "Hippy" was always a nice back-up costume idea, especially since bell bottoms were just coming back in style.  But a clown?  That was social suicide.  Then AND now. 

Kiss And Make Up

TRANSCRIPT:
Lindsey:   Nicole-
Wussuper?  I know you like Jesse a lot - and I shouldn't be doing this to you.  I mean telling you that you are ignoring me. You are trying to get attention from him and you are so I should just stay out of it. I don't like Jesse as much as you do.  In fact I don't know if I even like him at all.  Maybe just a little.  Like this much ___.  But you like him ____________________________________ this much.  You have a much better chance with him, too.  You are prettier, funnier,smarter and everything.  Sorry about doubting the best friend thing - I was just confused (I guess).  I'm glad that we are b/f and I hope we stay like that forever!  Even though you're moving.  Yes it would mean a lot to me to talk to David.  Since Jesse and Brittney and Andrew are going to your apartment to swim today - He'll probably be there.  Sorry I said you were wasting my time.  I didn't mean it.  You know I didn't. W/B  Love always, Lindsey



Wow.  That was a pretty intense little quarrel.  Glad we were able to clear things up.  It had been a long time since I had liked someone __________________________________ this much and I really didn't want people telling me I was doing it wrong.  Even though I totally was.  I don't know what's more infuriating - the teenage boy's inherent ability to drive wedges between b/f/f's, or the fact that they are totally oblivious to it. 

"Left-Handed Writings", by Flow

TRANSCRIPT:
 Natalie:  10:25
Nicole, Hi.  What period are you in?  Write me a letter and wait for me in the hall before you go to lunch by the lockers.
Natalie
Nat Bug
Flow



Holy shit, did she have a stroke while writing this?  Her handwriting was already impossible to read, but this is just silly.  It looks like a methed-out squirrel wrote it. 

Cotillion

TRANSCRIPT:
Alecia:   Nicole, wuz up chick?  Or down.  Or all around?  Nothing much here.  Just that I'm sitting here in Mrs. Pritchard's BORING class.  She's such a dork.  So whatcha doing this Friday?  I want to go up to the courts to see you know who!  (Matt).  I really hope he's up there.  Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding, Vroom, Vroom  Remember that?  Natalie said that we were going over (Me, You, Audrey, Nat) to your house some day in Feb.  Are you going to Cotillion?  I'm not!  Gotta go!
-Alecia-
PS - I love Matt
PSS - W/B ASAP



1.  I have no idea what the "Ding, ding, ding, vroom, vroom" shit is.  Sounds hilarious, though.  Not.
2.  Oh my gosh, I totally remember going up to the Grapevine rec center courts to watch all the cute boys play basketball.  Sometimes I'd try to jump in all "Love and Basketball" and flirt with them.  Never worked.  Probably because I sucked at basketball.
3.  Cotillion?!  Wasn't that just for rich kids and people whose parents were trying to force a social life on them?  Do they even have cotillion anymore?!
4.  Mrs. Pritchard was a total moron-to-the-max.  She used to think Natalie and I were twin sisters.  We got the sister thing a lot.  Still do, actually.  But TWINS?  Dumb ass.

The Boyfriend Song

TRANSCRIPT:
Nicole (me):   Sept. 19, 1995
Natalie, Hey, what's up?  Not much here!  Just sittin here in 2nd period!  So what-cha doin?  I'm doing anything but listening to the lesson.  I'm so bored!
Gotta go - Ms. Lahart is coming!
W/B
Luv, Nicole Kenning
I Love Justin
You Love Cory
Natalie:  Will you have any money?
Nicole (me):  My mom will probably give me some!
Natalie:  Some what?  JK!  It will be fun.
Nicole (me):  It will only be fun if you are not there!  JK!
Natalie:  Don't tell ________ I'm supposed to do something with ______ this weekend!  She wants ________ and her to come to MY house!



Have I ever mentioned the boyfriend song we all made up in 7th grade?  It was based on the classic children's tune "John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt":

John, Jacob, Cory and JT... Those are our boyfriends, too.  Whenever we go out, the girls always shout:  JOHN JACOB CORY AND JT... BA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA....

I know what you're thinking:  "Dork-o-rama!".  It gets worse.  In the foundation of one of the doctor's offices next to Baylor hospital in Grapevine lies, carved in eternity, the following proclamations:

Nicole Loves JT
Natalie Loves Cory
Julie Loves John
Nicole Loves Jacob

Talk about loser overload.

Sorry About Rob

TRANSCRIPT:
Denise:   I GET SO... EXCITED!
Hey Nicole, wud be up?  I am in English and very bored, but N*E*Ways... Guess what?  I finished my Spanish project yesterday because my relatives were there and I had to get away from everyone soooo I was in my room thinking...
"Oh my gosh, what should I do?"  5 minutes later... "I will do my Spanish project!"
So anyways, I finished. I am really sorry about Rob and Lauren.  I really don't think they will last though, truthfully.  If it makes you feel any better, Anthony didn't call me last night.  But, I got to go so check ya later!
W/B/P
Love, Denise



No worries about Rob.  I only liked him because there was no one else.  Things with Preston had just ended and I was in my room thinking...

Nicole Is So Dumb

TRANSCRIPT:
Julie:   Natalie, Hey what's up.  Not much here, just sitting here doing nothing but writing you a letter.  Nicole is dumb.  Oh, I mean Cassidy.  Ha ha!  Well, anyways * I got to go, babe!
Love ya
B/F/F
Julie



Yeah, that Nicole is real dumb-ass.  Don't show her this note, ok?!  I can't say I wasn't a little hurt when I found this in the shoebox, but it pales in comparison to the time they drew an ugly face with my name on it and passed it around the bus on our way to the Austin field trip.  Of course I was the last one to see it, and by the time I looked up the entire bus was laughing at me.  Real mature, guys.  Well, you know what they say... Revenge is a dish best served online:

Fart Sniffer

TRANSCRIPT:
Nicole (me):  9/23/96
L.A., Hey fart sniffer, wuz up?  Not much here.  Just sittin in science.  I think the guy she's talking about was Ty, but I'm not sure.  I don't have a lot to say.  I'll ask R.P..  Science sucks.  Cody is retarded.  Armando and him are getting on my nerves.  So, who do you like?  I don't really like anyone.  David, I guess. I wish he'd come over or call or something. 
Sorry So Short, Sloppy & Stupid Sounding
W/B
Love ya, Nicole Kenning
Leigh Ann:  Hey Nicole, I'm writing on your note cuz I don't have anything to write on.  Jessie and R.P don't "look" like they're going out!  What do you think?  So now that that's over (R.P. asking Jessie out), what's new?  Nothing here.  That tes was pretty easy.  What'd you think?  Well, gotta go.
W/B on new paper, preferably!
Love ya,  Leigh Ann



Fart sniffer?  BUUUUUURN!!!!!  I can't believe I said Science sucks.  It was and still is my favoritest subject in the history of forever.  Science is the coolest!  Perhaps if 8th grade Nicole wasn't such a negative Nancy, college Nicole wouldn't have given up so easily on that Meteorology degree.  You could be watching me on the weather channel RIGHT NOW!  But nooooooooo.  I had to be all "Science sucks" in 8th grade and then completely let go of my dreams when I got one measly little F in Calculus II.  If I ever hear my kid say "Science sucks" I'm gonna go China-mom on their ass and stick them in a Science boarding school until they turn 18.  Physics is your friend, dammit!  No dessert until you tell me you love Calculus!  SAY IT LIKE YOU MEAN IT!!!!

I'm Not Worth It

TRANSCRIPT:
Natalie:   Nicole, Hey don't spend $30 dollars on me.  I'm not worth it, Nicole!  I'm too scared to talk!  Call me after school.  Don't forget.
B-F-F
Natalie



Aww, you're worth way more than $30, Natty!  Like, at least $45.  And don't be scared, you're totally gonna ace that spelling test.  You're like the best speller in all of 3rd period English.

PS, It's Natalie's birthday tomorrow (10/20)!  She'll be 25!!! Plus 3.  Plus 1.  Then add another 1.  Love you, Nat-a-tat!  B-tothe-F-tothemothatruckin-F!

Cross Country

TRANSCRIPT:
Marleta:   Nicole, Wuz up chick?  Nuttin much here AGAIN!  NEWAYS - I love cross country!  I made 33rd place, out of 200 people!  Cool, huh?!  ANYWHOO - I got a 100 on my test.  Cool, huh?  I probably can spend the night! 
Love, Marleta
Call Me! 



Holy shit, 33rd place?!  Way to aim big, M!  I'm glad you like cross country because I'm pretty sure it's the worst sport ever.  Can we even call it a sport?  Running outside in the woods and stuff:  Otherwise known as that thing our ancestors used to do when they hunted for food, before grocery stores and cars were invented.  All that running and you can't even make it in the top 25... of 200 people!!!  If I'm gonna place that shitty in a competition it should be in something awesome.  Like a cupcake-eating contest.  There are NO losers in a cupcake-eating contest.

He Sags

TRANSCRIPT:
Denise: Dear Nicole,
Okay, here's the scoop:  David is about an inch taller than me (5'6") with brown hair but is now dyed or highlighted and looks totally good with it, too!  He sags and has cool clothes, unless he wears a tie-die shirt that he loves to wear but I haven't seen it on him for a while.  Maybe we're lucky and he got a big hole in the arm pit (ha-ha-ha).  Just kidding.  You better go to the movies this Friday and then go to six-flags on Sunday with 20 other people.  Anyways, better go!

Love always and forever,
Denise!!!
PS - Write Back



Oooh, he sags?!  Sign me up!  Nothing screams "sexy" like a skater boy's skiivies hanging out his Jnco's.  I wound up growing a pretty decent crush on this dude, fueled by Denise and Co.'s feverish attempts to hook us up.  He went to a different middle school but he lived in the apartments right across from mine and I used to watch him and his friends skateboard around the neighborhood.  So dreamy!  After some near-misses meeting up at the movies, we FINALLY got to hang out one afternoon.  He asked if I wanted to come over and see his new skateboard.  Uhhh, YEAH!  So there I was sitting on his bed, staring at him while he attached his old trucks to the new deck, nervous as shit and wondering how long it was gonna take.  And then he sat next to me.  Holy shit, this is happening!  He asked if he could kiss me - duh! - and we proceeded to make out like crazy.  Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand......... there went my David boner.  He was a horrible kisser, and the braces made it feel like I was being mouth raped by a bucket of rusty nails.

And that, folks, was the day braces became a deal breaker.

Somebody Poisoned The Water Hole!

TRANSCRIPT:

Laura:  Hey Nicole,

Howdy!  Wud be up?  N*M*H*  So, how was Romeo + Juliet?  I wish that I could have gone.  N-E-Ways – I really don’t like anyone right now, though David ____ is so fine.  But he’s also so out of my league.  Who all was at the movie?  Everybody from CTMS said they were going.  Damn I wish that I went.  What are you getting Pedro ___ for Christmas?  I want a boyfriend so bad.  Have you ever smelled Elizabeth Arden Sunflowers??  I love it.  It smells so good!!!!  I made a note book this weekend.  Remind me and I’ll show you it.  It has perfume things on it.  I can’t describe it.  I’m reading this awesome book.  It’s by Stephen King.  It’s called Nightmares and Dreamscapes.  I babysat on Saturday night, and my dad only paid me $10.  I babysat for 4 hours, but my bro was only awake for 2 so my dad only paid me for 2.  That cheapskate.  Cody, John, that red head, and that kid with the bowl cut are all little bastards.  John threw a hat on the bus on Friday and it nailed me right in the lip.  Now my lip is like 10 times its regular size, and it looks so tacky.  Well, I’m tired, so G2G.

Love always, Laura

If you’re a fan of the 90’s, this letter is for you!  It has a little bit of everything:  Toy Story quotes, a solid Romeo+Juliet reference (that Leo was such a hunk!), a shout out to Stephen King’s superb collection of spooky tales, Sunflowers (which I’m pretty sure would make me puke if I smelled it now) and the always popular chili bowl haircut.  And the icing on this nostalgia cake?  It was produced entirely on a piece of shit typewriter!  Do those even exist anymore, aside from the teal-painted antiques that litter Pinterest?  This letter is like its own little time capsule.  Think “I love the 90’s” without all those annoying, irrelevant “celebrities”.  To those who are reading this, you’re welcome. 

I Speak My Mind

TRANSCRIPT:

Lindsey:  Nicole-

Wussuper, Babe?  You are being really different whenever Jesse is around.  It’s getting really annoying!  You act so rude to me when you are with him.  I thought you were my best friend but best friends don’t do this to each other.  And about the David thing – I know you wouldn’t do that to me, but you haven’t done anything about it.  I read the note you wrote to Megan and if you don’t wanna “waste your time” on this David issue, then maybe I shouldn’t waste my time with you.

Love always, Lindsey

I speak my mind and this is how I feel.

Ooooohhh, so this must have been what Denise was talking about!  I think we can all agree the best part of this note is the end.  “Love always…”.  Kids are so passive-aggressive.  And I’m really sorry about being so rude to you whenever Jesse Dreamboat was around.  I had such a dumb crush on him and his lack of reciprocation fueled my teen angst like gasoline on a gasoline fire.  LOVE ME, DAMMIT!  Oh the pain.  I don’t remember what the whole “David” thing was about, but screw Megan for showing people my note.  “Don’t show anyone” means DON’T SHOW ANYONE, ho-skank!  What can I say, I TOO speak my mind and this is how I feel.  Love always, Nic.

Gangster Font

TRANSCRIPT:
Anthony (I think?):  Nicole Kenning likes ___?______  Austin?



Wow, that's some really special looking handwriting you got there.  You should totally be a professional graffiti artist.  I hear they pay really well, and you get to showcase your talent to everyone who drives down the highway/rides the train/walks around the shitty part of town.  Super-rewarding.

Pool Party!

TRANSCRIPT:
Julie:  Nicole, Hey nerd what's up?  Not much here.  Annnyways, I want to have a little party at Grayson pool so we could swim and stuff.  Want to?  It can be me and your [our] party.  Who would you want to come?  My list:  Me, you, Natalie, Courtney, Cortney, Jennifer, Cole, Justin, Rachael, Kristal, Cecili, Rosa, Brian, Tony and whoever you want.  But let's keep it to 7th grade except for Casey and Andi.  Well go for now.  See ya.
Love ya,
Julie
B/F/F/A/A/A



Umm... why does the party have to be at my apartments when she has a pool at her house?!?!  Like my parents would ever want that responsibility, anyways.  Having to look over a bunch of horny adolescents in their swim trunks???  They'd rather stab themselves in the eye with a lit cigarette.  And I don't think "keeping it to 7th grade" was the issue so much as getting anyone to show up in the first place.  We were NERDS!  You said so yourself in the first line of this letter.  Duh!

Sit By Me At Lunch!

TRANSCRIPT:

Nicole K:  Natalie, You are just a wee-bit conceited, aren’t we?  (J/K)

Natalie:  Yes

Nicole K:  Are you still mad at ___?  (At least a little bit)?

Natalie:  Yes

Nicole K:  I don’t know if I am or not.  She thinks you and me like Alecia more than her, because she asked me in advisory.  Do you?

Natalie:  Yes

Nicole K:  I don’t know if I do or not. 

Natalie:  What did you tell her when she asked you?

Nicole K:  W/B – Nicole     Sit by me at lunch!

Natalie:  Well I might sit by someone I like!

Nicole K:  Nicole+Natalie+Alecia+Audrey = B/F/F

Natalie:  Yeah

There we go again, starting shit and causing drama.  Poor ___.  I know the shit-talking was just as deep on her end, but that doesn’t excuse us from being a couple of biznitches.  And I’m sensing a little pissed-offness in Nat’s tone throughout this letter (“Well I might sit by someone I like!”).  Was it the “conceited” remark?  Soooooooorry!  Let me make it up to you by taking the pressure off and designing today’s lunch seating assignments.  I’ll even put you in the middle, so you don’t feel left out.  You’re welcome!

Change Of Heart

TRANSCRIPT:
Lance:  Nicole - Hey yourself!  J/K.  What were you going to tell Mike, or do I really want to know?  I think the reason people are mad at me is because I am probably going to ask out Lindsey, not Lori.  W/G/G
Love ya lots, Lance
PS - Write Back



Well there you go again, trying to get between these two BFF's.  We all thought for sure he was going to ask out Lori.  Now he throws us this loop?  Nonsense!  But to his credit...I'm sure the art of asking a girl out was complex and nerve-racking.  I know it was on the other end of that conversation.  I'd get that phone call from so-and-so, and he'd sound all nervous on the other end of the phone while I pace around my house with a huge smile on my face:  "Uh, so, uh, I was wondering... if you, uh, wanna go out with me?".  I'd say yes, spend all night picking out the BEST outfit in my closet, and then the next day at school we'd make it official and hold hands on our way to class.  And of course, "going out" didn't mean actually going out somewhere.  It was a relationship status. Like "going steady" was back in the old people days.  I wonder if Facebook has a "is going out with..." relationship status option.  They should.  It's pretty much the most serious type of relationship you can be in in Middle School.  After "is knocked up by", of course.  Ain't nothing more serious than that shit. 

Girl, He's Ugly!

TRANSCRIPT:

Alicia:  Dear Nicole K,

Hey, Wuz up?  N.M.H.  just being bored in Science.  Girl, Anthony is soooo fine.  Girl, I saw your b-friend.  Girrl he’s ugly!  What do you see in him?  Where’s Crystal?  Keith is in my science class.

W/B

Alicia

Girrrl what is this, the Hater’s Ball?!  Yes my boyfriend was a toad, but he was also a grade older which I thought would enhance my coolness.  It did not.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go put some more water in your momma’s dish.  Hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate.